STOROSZKO & ASSOCIATES - Tax Jokes
Here's a collection of tax related jokes we hope you can get a giggle from. Let us know what you think by leaving us a comment here.
I Bet You...
The IRS tax agents decide to audit an elderly man, and summon him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when the old man showed up with his attorney.
The auditor said, “Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I’m not sure the IRS finds that believable.”
“I’m a great gambler, and I can prove it”, says the elderly guy. “How about a demonstration?”
The auditor thinks for a moment and says, “Okay. Go ahead.”
The old guy says,”‘I’ll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.”
The auditor thinks a moment and says, “It’s a bet.”
The elderly guy removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor’s jaw drops. The old guy then says, “Now, I’ll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.”
The auditor can tell he isn’t blind, so he takes the bet. The elderly guy removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
The stunned auditor now realises he has wagered and lost three grand, with his attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
“Want to go double or nothing?” the elderly person asks. “I’ll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.”
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there’s no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
The old guy stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can’t make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor’s desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realising that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win, but the elderly guy’s attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.
“Are you okay?” the auditor asks.
“Not really,” says the attorney. “This morning, when he told me he’d been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you’d be happy about it.”
Some One Liners:
Taxes are like a subscription to your country that you can’t cancel.
Accountants never diet, they just adjust their net income.
Filing my taxes is like a treasure hunt, where the treasure is never finding my T4.
Why did the tax auditor break up with his girlfriend? Too many red flags.
Why don’t tax collectors play hide and seek? Good luck hiding from them!
My tax return is like a magic trick, one minute you see it, the next it’s gone.
Why was the calculator happy at tax time? It finally felt valued.
Filing taxes is like going to the dentist, except you do all the drilling.
If money talks, mine just says ‘Goodbye’ during tax season.
Why do accountants make terrible comedians? They lose their balance after every punchline.
Tax season is the only time people pretend they make less than they do.
Why did the taxpayer cross the road? To avoid the IRS office.
My tax preparer is a magician. Poof! There goes my refund.
Why are taxes like a broken pencil? They leave you feeling pointless.
I told my accountant I needed space; he gave me an extension.
Doing my taxes feels like giving my money a goodbye hug.
Why do taxes and trees have so much in common? They both take forever to grow and can disappear in an instant.
My dog ate my tax forms. Best financial advisor ever.
Why don’t taxes ever get lost? Because they always find their way home.
Taxes are the only game where the more you lose, the more you win.
I asked my accountant for a joke. He gave me my tax estimate.
Why is doing taxes like a reality TV show? Expect drama, tears, and unexpected exits.
My bank account after taxes: “Remember me?”
Why are tax forms like horror movies? They both have terrifying deadlines.
An optimist sees a tax refund. A pessimist sees a loan to the government.
Why did the taxpayer smile in his mugshot? He claimed it as a dependent.
Doing taxes is like folding a fitted sheet. No one really knows how.
Why do accountants love to read novels? They enjoy the figures of speech.
Paying taxes is like buying a mystery box. You never know what you’re funding.
How do you make a tax auditor blush? Ask about their personal exemptions.
Taxes: the life proof that nothing is certain but death and taxes.
Why did the accountant break his abacus? Tax frustration.
My idea of a balanced diet is a piece of cake in each hand while balancing my taxes.
Why are tax forms like sad songs? They bring tears to your eyes.
Taxes are like laundry. Ignore them, and they pile up.
Why did the tax file turn detective? It was always looking for deductions.
An accountant’s favourite book? “Fifty Shades of Grey Areas.”
Why do we pay taxes? Because “free” country is just an expression.
My tax software has a sense of humour. It asked me to enter my PIN… then laughed.
Taxes remind me of old TV shows. Every year, there’s a rerun nobody asked for.